I have been giving a lot of thought to marriage. I know that we are all unique and have different ideals, goals and dreams. I have learned a few things since being married that help my marriage. I want to share some of these lessons with you.
I think it is important to ask ourselves “Why did I marry this person?” Money, status, did they make you feel special, have similar goals, make you laugh, talk to you, were they attractive…. the list is endless. Once you have found the answer to that question, you have found the foundation of your relationship. Your foundation can always change and often does as your relationship matures, but you need to know where you are coming from before you can change where you are going. My marriage seems easy to me, I think God being part of our foundation is the reason. God is constant, and that stability helps us be able to build amazing things on that foundation.
The quality & depth of love in a marriage relationship can not grow without honesty. The truth can hurt. Truth can be hard to hear and accept. But without truth you will just be pretending or going through the motions. You must have truth to have true love. You also must have trust. First comes honesty, then comes trust.
We should have unity to make a marriage relationship work and to be able to stand the tests of time. One of the tools we use to grow in our unity is communication. Rule #1 we need to seek to understand; Rule #2 we need to seek to be understood. Once we understand it can be easier for us to be understood. A conversation should not be a battle ground. It should be about learning and understanding.
Without commitment it can be hard to invest your time, heart, mind and work to solving problems that come with life. We must stand together if we want to win. Commitment makes it easier to weather the storms of life together. Without commitment it is hard to be able to trust. Commitment trust and honesty go together to help a marriage be happy.
I used to think what I saw on TV and in movies was the ideal and norm. I must say that as I entered young adulthood and started to understand relationships better and decide what I wanted in my marriage, this ideal created depressing thoughts for me. I never wanted to get married if that was what it was like. I have since learned that marriage doesn’t have to be like a movie or TV. And if you want true love, joy and fulfillment in your marriage it is best not to build your model after entertainment. Find out your own individual needs and desires. You are unique and special, your relationship should reflect the individuality of both of you. Know yourself, be true to yourself and you might find everything you want and need.